ADD Meds and Identity Thieves

Where to begin...

First post of 2007...22 days in. Oops...

Been pretty bored lately. I've been averaging 6 days a week...and that includes a 3 day trip back to Texas. The money is good when there's overtime on the paycheck.

Been feeling kinda depressed lately. When I went home, it was mid-week so I didn't really get to see anyone except Margee, Barnett, Shaun, Rocky, and my parents and grandparents. Of course, I had it out with my mother, which just put me in a foul mood. Been in a pretty crappy mood ever since.

The thing my mom just doesn't get is...despite all my fuck ups throughout my life, all I've ever wanted was her approval. Approval that I'm doing the right thing.

She's been telling me for years that I need to get back on some meds...ADD meds and antidepressants...and that I need to consider going to therapy. So here I am, my health insurance about to kick in on Feb. 1, and I'm finally deciding that I need to do SOMETHING. So, after telling me for years I need to do this...suddenly my mother decides that it's because she was just "such a horrible mother and she's the reason I have all my problems". I give up. I'm done with it. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't with her.

I really do need to do something. I have some issues in my head that I need to work out before I can ever be with someone and before I can be really happy. Little subconscious things like the fact that almost none of my friends have met my parents. I've hidden my relationships with my friends since I was a kid. I never wanted anyone staying at my house when I was growing up...unless we were camping in the backyard. I just always feel weird about anyone being around my parents. Hell, I feel weird around them. I never feel welcome or accepted in their house. Ever since I moved out of my parents' house, I never stay there when I'm in town. I'll stay at Shaun's or Sammy's or my grandparents before I'll stay there. I can't let myself be around my mom for more than 30 minutes at a time anymore...because it always becomes a fight. We're too damned alike.

I am who I am because of my mom...that's not necessarily a bad thing. My mom is a good person who always taught me the right things to do...and, though I have a warped sense of humour and different political beliefs, my moral compass is good because of my mother.

I'm having a tough time out here. I'm something of a co-dependent person...so I don't do well just being by myself. Sure, there's a small group of people I hang out with out here...drinking and gambling buddies that I watch football with...but I miss having people I'm close to. And to top it off, the girl I'm most interested in...the girl that just makes me crazy with how cool and wicked hot she is..is back home in Texas. *sigh*, But I digress.

Around 2200 every night, I really get lonely because there's so few people to talk to...no one answers or returns phone calls anymore. I can't be mad...we're all growing up and are busy with our lives and careers...too busy to really play catch up. But still, I just miss having people to share my life with.

I'm the kind of person that needs a hug every now and again...I don't have that here. It'll get better, I know...but right now, my life is kinda boring. I work just about everyday at 0400, home around 1430, sometimes I take a nap...watch TV, have dinner, and go to bed. Then repeat. There's not alot going on out here for the non-Mormon single guy. No dating scene, no bar scene (no bars for that matter), little else to do but work. I guess it's good that I'm not blowing my money.

I did fly out to San Francisco and back in one day earlier this month. Of course, it was snowing like hell in Salt Lake, so we sat out on the deicing pad for close to 2 hours waiting for the snow to let up before we deiced. That was no fun. Just flying for the sake of being on a plane and going somewhere...I never stay in my destinations more than an hour. But I do get to catch up on sleep and reading...so those little trips are about as good as I can get as far as therapy.

Speaking of reading...I have to recommend "Survivor" by Chuck Palahniuk. I don't really read books that often anymore. When I do get around to reading something, my ADD really keeps me from finishing a book in anything less than a week. But this book drew me in. I bought it at DFW Airport for my flights back to Utah on my trip to Texas...by the time I got to my car in The George I was 3/4 of the way through that book. Granted it's not a really long book at only 289 pages, but it sucked me right in and I finished it the next day after work.

Been having lots of weird dreams lately. Most of them I don't remember...I just wake up thinking, "That was weird".

I vividly remember one...made me feel like absolute crap. It was me and the ex...and she was telling me she was sorry she broke it off and that she still loved me. It all felt so real...I had to check my cell phone received calls just to make sure I was dreaming and that I didn't have a sleepy conversation. Just really bummed me out. I really do miss her, sometimes. :-\

For the first time in a while, I still have money in the bank with payday fast approaching. It's a good feeling. I'm putting as much as I can into savings and I'm going to try to clear up my credit with that. It's going to be only a matter of time before I need a new car...the Honda is in her dying days...and I'm going to need some decent credit. Shaun's working up some stuff for me that will maybe get some things off my credit report for minimal money...but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

Speaking of finances...I think I might be a victim of credit card fraud. I only have one card these days, a Visa debit card that pulls from my checking acct. I was looking at my acct. online and noticed a random $1.05 taken out by some random company I've never heard of. I Googled the company name and found some credit message boards where people were taking about having these same transactions at them being fraudulent charges...trying to get you to not notice by taking only a dollar or 2 at a time. I called my bank and they said that, since it was still listed as a pending transaction and it hadn't posted to the acct. yet, they couldn't do anything yet. As soon as it posts, I have to call them back, dispute the charge and they're going to send me a new card. The crappy thing is, because these people only grab a dollar at a time out of thousands of people's accounts, they never get caught. It's just not a significant amount of money for the banks to go after.

Then today, I got a phone call from an Atlanta area code. I didn't answer it, but I Googled it, too. Sure enough, there's a website called "WhoCalledUs". I searched the number it various reports of someone claiming to be Visa Customer Service and MasterCard Customer Service. Identity Thieves. Hoorah. As if I needed anyone else messing with my finances.

Thinking about going home at the end of the month. Just want to try to do it on a weekend so I can see old friends. I really wanna get to hang out with the old crew...the Justins, Cody, Phil, Jefe, Margee, Jen and so many others. And I desperately need some good BBQ and Shiner Bock.

I guess I'm outta here...and I wish the identity thieves good luck...even I don't know who I am anymore.

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