Time For Change...It's like it's 1992 all over again!!

I realized that I've been really negative lately...for like the past six months or so. I feel bad about that because I don't think the new friends I've made in the last six months really know the real Dub. The happy Dub.

I guess I've just had alot on my mind...between the revelations I've had over the past year regarding my real dad, knowing that this past summer was going to be my last one at Camp Sweeney, and knowing that I'm at a time in my life that it's "now or never" for me to do the things that I should have already done in my life...such as college. I really think that getting a new job and getting moved back to Denton and being able to be with the majority of my friends will help the process of getting back to the old me.

I know that I'm an underachiever. I know that if I did just half of what I'm capable of, I'd be much further along in my life. Hell, if I did half of what I'm capable of, I'd probably be damn close to finishing a master's degree. I know I'm a smart guy. Sometimes a little too smart for my own good since I tend overanalyze everything in my life. I know that I'm capable of so much more than what I do.

I think I just get caught up in my own self-loathing and misery because it's easier than trying to make the changes I know are necessary for me to be really happy.

I have a few job interviews this week. Kinda grunt work...Wal-Mart Distribution Center in Sanger, working for an airline at D/FW Airport, and a job working with emotionally disturbed children in Denton. Hopefully, I'll get an offer from one of these places and I'll be on my way back to where I need to be.

I know that in order to be happy, there are things I need to change about the way I live my life. I've relied a little too much on "substances" lately. I've used alcohol and nicotine as a crutch more than ever. The nicotine habit is hard to drop...anyone who has ever been a smoker knows this...but I'm trying. I need to get back to being able to be happy without having to rely on stuff like that.

I guess I'm trying to say that I know that it's time for me to make the changes. And I ask that my friends support me through this...because I'm a much cooler person when I'm not all down and out like I have been over the last 6 months or so. Because it's only fair that people like Jeffe and Maureen get to see the real me. The me that is fun, carefree, more confident. The me that cares about himself almost as much as he cares about his friends.

Really, the main way for me to get to where I'm even better than before is to lose a little weight. OK, ALOT of weight. I'm a big guy, I know. And I know that it keeps me from being confident in myself...and, no matter how wrong it may be, it's what keeps me from having the relationships that I wish I had. It's just how the world works...you can have a heart of gold, but none of that really matters to a girl when you're a fat guy. Right or wrong, that's just how it is.

I've done the weight loss thing before...and I remember how much more confident and happy I was. Because, not only was I actually dating for the first time in my life, but I was exercising everyday and the endorphins from that helped alot. I didn't drink as much...I didn't smoke or dip at all...and I was so much more productive. I slept better...and fewer hours. I did what I was capable of...

I've bitched and whined so much in this blog about things I don't like since I started it...that it's time for me to make a list of things I do like. This may be long...but I need to remember the things that I have going for me.

1.) I like driving.
2.) I like orange juice (with Captain Morgan's on occasion)
3.) I like good music that makes me think...no matter how sad it may be.
4.) I like crashing out on Cody, Justin, and Koos' couch.
5.) I like knowing that when Mom used to tell me I could do anything I put my mind to, it wasn't just motherly bullshit...it was/is the truth.
6.) I like good BBQ, good burgers, all cooked outside on a grill.
7.) I like going to concerts, games, the like and forgetting about everything for a few hours.
8.) I like long showers.
9.) I like getting BSW catalogs and sticking my nose in them for hours.
10.) I like talking with friends on AIM...especially when I know it's the only way I could really keep in touch with some of them.
11.) I like the Boston Red Sox, the Texas Rangers, the Dallas Cowboys, the Dallas Stars, and of course, all of the North Texas Mean Green teams.
12.) I like good, sweet, acoustic love songs and dreaming that someday I can sing them to someone.
13.) I like Texas.
14.) I like Bob Schneider...but I think he's best with Bruce Hughes and Billy Harvey.
15.) I like getting real emails from real people.
16.) I like springtime weather...it's perfect for going to baseball and softball games.
17.) I like Camp Sweeney.
18.) I like chicken strips, yes I do.
19.) I like sitting with Maureen and talking about nothingness the whole time...just enjoying her company and her sweet smile.
20.) I like U2.
21.) I like the Whataburger on Ft. Worth Dr. at 4am
22.) I like playing my guitar...no matter how much I suck at it.
23.) I like knowing that I'm the (somewhat)wise old man in my group of friends.
24.) I like helping people.
25.) I like roadtrips.
26.) I like Chicago.
27.) I like not having to pay in on my taxes.
28.) I like having all-access media passes.
29.) I like being a small town boy at heart.
30.) I like lazy days.
31.) I like getting things done and feeling like accomplished something.
32.) I like doing production work where I get to be a little creative.
33.) I like planning these huge events and making sure everyone has a good time.
34.) I like meeting cool new people.
35.) I like knowing that, when I feel like I need a cigarette, Margee always comes through. :)
36.) I like Johnny Cash.
37.) I like my Nanny and Papa...my mom's parents.
38.) I like the political conversations I have with my Nanny.
39.) I like tipping a cute waitress.
40.) I like Notre Dame and all my friends up there.
41.) I like knowing I've made a difference in a few people's lives.
42.) I like knowing I'm right about most things...hahaha!
43.) I like being a sort of "Americana-Country Music Snob".
44.) I like it when I'm working at KGAF and old people call me to tell me how much they love the playlist I've picked for that afternoon.
45.) I like Jack Ingram and the Beat Up Ford Band.
46.) I like getting text messages.
47.) I like pushing buttons, breaking things, and trying to figure out how to un-break it before someone finds out.
48.) I like being a little stressed about a deadline.
49.) I like cool toys like microphones, computers, portable recorders, mixers, etc.
50.) I like our post-game get-togethers during basketball season.
51.) I like reading the Sunday Gainesville Daily Register since it's better than any gossip rag.
52.) I like my chihuahua, Sophie.
53.) I like getting things in the mail that don't involve me having to write a check.
54.) I like going to the bar with Barnett and just kinda riding his coattails for the night.
55.) I like Bowling For Soup...they perk me up.
56.) I like The Simpsons.
57.) I like flying in small airplanes.
58.) I like flying, airplanes, airports, and all of that in general.
59.) I like Apple computers and OS X.
60.) I like playing Hold'em with friends...and Omaha Hi/Lo online.
And finally...at least for now.
61.) I like having friends that have my back no matter the situation, friends that are like family, and friends that don't bail on me when I go overboard insane about something stupid.

I feel pretty good about things now. Now, I just have to stick with it. So stick with me. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

"I want to be like Jesus Christ,
Keep the party moving giving good advice.
I dont need to be no Superman,
I just want to do the best I can.

I just want to feel good,
I dont want to hurt nobody,
I just want to get a good time,
Out of my life."

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Current Music: Bob Schneider - Captain Kirk (iTunes Links)
Current Weight: 253